The Sun Also Rises

In the years since Zards ALards! went dark, a lot has changed in the world (and if you're expecting a list of those changes, maybe two serious, one funny-ironic, head to Grantland (just kidding, please don't)). But one thing has remained unwaveringly constant. The Wizzles have sucked.

The degree to which the Zards have sucked is like the enormity of the universe, or the amount of time that has passed since its inception: extremely difficult to comprehend. Let's just say it's been severe and move along. This year's squad ambled out of the gate to a 2-7 start that had many Zards followers contemplating the void. Even after they rebounded, first to 9-9, later to 24-23 (going over .500 for the first time in John Wall's career. 238 games!), they rarely impressed. They stayed the Wiz as we've known them for the past six years. Uneven. Inconsistent. Frustrating. Occasionally rage-inducing.

Then the playoffs started. And friends, it has been a happy time.

So Are We Good Now?

ZARDS PRE TRADE / ZARDS POST TRADE

Record: 10-34 (.227) / 2-5 (.286)

Analysis: Winning isn't everything

Offensive Rating: 100 (29th) / 101.2 (25th)

Analysis: Improvement is improvement

Defensive Rating: 108.9 (29th) / 98.4 (2nd) 

Analysis: JFDKLJKL:DJKL:FDHJKLHFDJK!!!!

Net +/-: -8.9 (29th) / +2.8 (8th)

Analysis: If you are not the Bulls, Thunder, Sixers, Heat, Lakers, Spurs, or Pacers, we are better than you

FINAL ANALYSIS: Suck it NBA, here come the ZARDS!

Five Hole

The Wizards tied the Toronto Raptors Monday night, 105-105. To get there, the Wiz frittered away an 18-point lead, missed a whole bunch of free throws, and played Maurice Evans five minutes in the 4th quarter. Before the roughly 3,000 spectators (admittedly a guess, but the announced attendance is such a shameful lie we couldn't bring ourselves to repeat it) could locate the exits and turn out the lights, an additional period was played.